The Game of Failure

Today, I have just attended batch 2012's graduation. For some reason, it felt right for me to come and listen to the speech of their valedictorian, Kenneth Abante. In that podium representing success and greatness, he spoke of failure.

I remember one of my classmates quoting one physician, "Once you enter medicine, be ready to fail." Now, how would you react to such statement? Some may take it as an excuse for mediocrity. Some would consider it as a death sentence. As for me, I considered it as a challenge. However, one thing that I am allergic to is FAILURE. I hate it. I despite it. Recently, I have had my share of failure - having a re-orals for my strategic management paper. After hearing those painful words from my professor, shameful as it was, I cried buckets of tears - not knowing who or what can comfort me. Never in my life have I failed such a big task (as proud as it may sound). After this, I was really disappointed with myself. It made my look back on who I was before.

It made me realize how much I miss my old self. I remember myself being zealous about life, exuding energy and overflowing with passion. After 4 years of taking up medicine, it got the best of me. Let me rephrase it, I let myself succumb to its wrath of a tiresome hierarchy and a tasteless life. After hearing Kenneth's speech, it once again lit up an old flame inside of me. I am nothing but a bucket who receives. For years, I admit myself to becoming proud that I may have failed to listen intently to some advice worth taking. With a lifestyle of a machine, I neglected my soul to be fed with grace through prayer and silence. I lost sight of myself, that I lost sight of what my passion is in life.

I was invited last year to answer some questions for an audiovisual presentation for my organization. As the camera was recording, I was faced with an empty me. At that point, it confirmed my emptiness and how I have lost touch. That was the start of my frustration leading to self-blame to poor performance. I got so mad at myself that I never believed again. It's as if my former self is an unreachable goal. I forgot the power of BELIEVING. I have read in a book (The Alchemist by P. Coelho) that in believing in something, the whole world would conspire to make it happen. Basically, it is really us doing the magic. Putting some theory into things, everything begins with a thought, a belief. Approving of this thought or belief, we act on it. In constantly performing it, it becomes a habit. In becoming a habit, it strengthens such a belief until it becomes a VALUE.

In the end, failure is really not believing in our own value as a person. Failure is putting up a wall, rejecting whatever may come. Failure is forgetting to accept that we need help once in a while. In challenging failure, we must learn to be open, to accept. Eventually, we may learn to love again - to love our own self.