A Slap on the Face Will Do

First day jitters is a common experience for everyone. I've had my share recently before my clerkship started. Now, before I start my Emergency rotation, I'm having it again! It is normal to notice a certain level of inadequacy in our part as clerks but not an excuse to be at that certain level for quite some time. In admitting my inadequacy as a medical clerk, I have to learn to slap myself once in a while and get over the endless fears that I have constructed many times in my mind.

There were moments where I was just standing in an empty hallways or walking along the corridors of the hospital early in the morning, then I catch myself trembling deep down, not knowing what my next step would be. Every medical student will experience a sense of being thrown into the unknown with no one available to hold your hand as you both jump together into the abyss. Life is not that easy inside the hospital. Each has their own task to do -- which seems endless. Seeing one little lost creature ask a multitude of questions would be a grave mistake.

Here students should not ask questions but learn it in some other way. For some reason, people of experience hate being asked questions. They would rather bounce it back to you and let you do the searching yourself. Thus, making students refrain from asking questions -- having an unproductive learning environment for the both of them. I guess there is no room for critical thinkers in the hospital. However, there are a few who appreciate questions and I feel blessed whenever I meet such doctors. Usually, these doctors are the best in their field. I was taught to ask questions endlessly since it is from questions that we begin to search for answers. Questions are sparks for curiosity, for interest. From interest, we can derive meaning from everything.

I guess my jitters come from the fear of not knowing enough and of not knowing who to ask when I have problems or committed mistakes. Good luck to me tomorrow and my last 2 weeks in Medicine!